Enough
"When will I be enough for him?"
I kept on asking God this question since February. My emotions have been in turmoil since that time and the "green monster" started to haunt me. It came when i felt so happy and contented with my life. The green monster will come in my heart unannounced, uninvited and destroyed the peace that i have created and it left me sprawled all over the floor.
"When will I be enough?"
I kept on asking him this question since he came back to my life last April. The green monster continued wrecking havoc in our seemingly perfect and okay "relationship", er, friendship.
And last night, i cried again the same question to God. Why cant he be contented in me? When i tried to give him what he wanted, he still let go of me just like that. you know it hurts so much when it seems as if its so easy for someone to throw away something that you hold so dear. not a tear being shed when you've cried an ocean. I still dont understand what happened to the love he'd promised. :(
"Ja, WHEN WILL I BE ENOUGH?"
came God's reply. "I gave you everything, gave you even My life, still you are not content. What will satisfy you, My child? Am I not enough?"
Silence.
What am i supposed to answer to a question like that? None, just silence. No excuse will suffice, no reasoning will answer that question.
I am humbled once again.
my prayer.
"Lord, I'm tired of being affected. My heart is weak. I am hurting. Silence this wicked heart of mine, so that I can listen to You fully. So that i can focus to things that are more important and to The One who matters the most -- YOU, oh God. Lord, make me really fall deeply in love with YOU that there will be no more room for anyone else, that Your love will be enough. Fill my empty heart because it is only YOU who can fill that void. And that i won't need anyone else but YOU. Teach me to be satisfied in You alone."
I kept on asking God this question since February. My emotions have been in turmoil since that time and the "green monster" started to haunt me. It came when i felt so happy and contented with my life. The green monster will come in my heart unannounced, uninvited and destroyed the peace that i have created and it left me sprawled all over the floor.
"When will I be enough?"
I kept on asking him this question since he came back to my life last April. The green monster continued wrecking havoc in our seemingly perfect and okay "relationship", er, friendship.
And last night, i cried again the same question to God. Why cant he be contented in me? When i tried to give him what he wanted, he still let go of me just like that. you know it hurts so much when it seems as if its so easy for someone to throw away something that you hold so dear. not a tear being shed when you've cried an ocean. I still dont understand what happened to the love he'd promised. :(
"Ja, WHEN WILL I BE ENOUGH?"
came God's reply. "I gave you everything, gave you even My life, still you are not content. What will satisfy you, My child? Am I not enough?"
Silence.
What am i supposed to answer to a question like that? None, just silence. No excuse will suffice, no reasoning will answer that question.
I am humbled once again.
my prayer.
"Lord, I'm tired of being affected. My heart is weak. I am hurting. Silence this wicked heart of mine, so that I can listen to You fully. So that i can focus to things that are more important and to The One who matters the most -- YOU, oh God. Lord, make me really fall deeply in love with YOU that there will be no more room for anyone else, that Your love will be enough. Fill my empty heart because it is only YOU who can fill that void. And that i won't need anyone else but YOU. Teach me to be satisfied in You alone."
posted by ja! | 11:36 AM
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